Creative Job Placement

Issue 6 and Volume 104.

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.

If they ask why they had to wait two hours, credits and collections is their place.

If they are waving their arms and talking loud, send them to consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, information systems is their niche.

If they mention what a good price you got for the table and chairs, put them in purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture does not come from rain forests, public relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the technical documents team.

If they don’t even look up when you enter the room, assign them to security.

If they try to tell you it’s not as bad as it looks, send them to marketing.

And if they have left early, put them in sales.

Engineer’s Dorm

In many college dorms, water fights are a favorite intramural sport. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets can reduce the boredom of a long night studying. Since each room has a sink, ammunition is endless.

The resident assistant is typically the most frequent target of a water ambush. At one dorm where engineers were housed with marketing majors, the resident assistant was approaching his room and noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door’s edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, “I can’t believe they actually thought they could fool me with that old gag.” It was then that he realized they had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink.

Lighthouse Lip

The following transcript reportedly relates an actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the U.S. Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that’s one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

Editor’s note: Corporate communications has evolved to the point where it seems the highest and most common use of e-mail is the dissemination of jokes and humor stories to business acquaintances around the world. Power Engineering has collected a number of such communications from many anonymous e-mail sources and will present them in this space for your enjoyment. We welcome your contributions of engineering, technology or business related humorous pieces to [email protected], but please do not send copyrighted material.