Office Wisdom

Issue 6 and Volume 103.

By Murphy

  • The first 90 percent of a project takes 90 percent of the time; the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent of the time.

  • If you can`t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

  • A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.

  • After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

  • Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

  • Never ask two questions in a business letter; the reply will discuss the one you are less interested in, and say nothing about the other.

  • When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

  • If at first you don`t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

  • Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

  • Never delay the end of a meeting.

  • To err is human; to forgive is not company policy.

  • Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn`t the work he is supposed to be doing.

  • Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

  • The last person who quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.

  • The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, the Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T, etc.)

  • If you are good, you will be assigned all of the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

  • You are always doing something marginal when your boss drops by your desk.

  • If someone says he will do something “without fail,” he won`t.

  • People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn`t.

  • People don`t make the same mistake twice, they make it three, four or five times, at least.

  • If it weren`t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

  • When you don`t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

  • You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

  • No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

  • Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

  • An acceptable level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

  • Success is only a matter of luck; just ask any failure.